BEFRIEND GAIN/LOSS
By definition:
Like North and South poles, opposites define and reflect each other. Befriending gain and loss means to seek balance and the in-between without the attachment to either end. When we are able to understand and believe that tensions exist together in every choice we face to create balance and harmony, then we are able to be more resilient during times of darkness and grounded in times of joy.
Some of us are really afraid of losing so we do everything in our might to run from it, often digging a deeper hole to later fall in. We are bread to be “winners.“ Whether it is Silicon Valley, The Olympics, or the economy, we constantly work to be the top dog. We are overly attached to “winning” and being the best. So when we get stopped from the upward climb by a challenge, barrier, or complete loss of control — we get thrown off balance and can have trouble finding our footing again.
Opposite to, some of us are overly attached to “loss” because overtime, after repeated downfalls, we found comfort in tragedy and heartache. Any type of gain could feel overwhelming and undeserved. Pain, in today’s society, is easier medicated than to search and love it’s wounded core. It is understandable to feel like a victim because most likely we once were.
While it is human for us to attach to one or both outcomes, it is best to find a balance so neither gaining or losing feels so extreme when the opposite happens.
We are trained that “success” can be and should be constant. But after a short time on this planet we learn our favorite teams, teams we played on, people we admire, and even celebrities, have wins and defeats. We find our best work can fail to get an “A.” We worry “loser” hounds us and we have NO value without “winner!”
Some of us may give up and wallow in the grief of loss. But seeing ourselves as victims or defined by tragedy causes an increase of pain.
When we selfishly attach ourselves to “loss”, we deny the opportunity to see what we can gain. When we selfishly attach ourselves to just “gains” in our lives, we curate an unrealistic expectation of perfection which is often met with disappointment and paralyzing doubt if failure strikes.
When we accept gain and lost, we are able to let go of expectations. When we let go of expectations we are able to accept that when we sit in a place of gain OR loss it is only temporary. We can rely on a counter force or experience to help bring balance again.
When we accept the reality of gain and loss, we create a life that does not rely on expectations or outcomes. We learn when one side of the scale tips, there are opportunities, both physically and mentally, that we can choose to participate in to balance it back out. We are able to live more harmoniously, are more sharp, become less of a victim, and become more resilient to change.
Loss, like gain, is an invitation to live life’s natural depths of sorrow and heights of joy. It asks us to find inspiration, strength, insight, and opportunity in every twist, turn, step back or forward. It is all a dance of experience. We hear all the time, failure is a quick step to success. We can’t appreciate the level of success or happiness without the experience of failure and loss.
Below are some exercises that give you an opportunity to practice the art of “befriending gain/loss.”
