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Rise Up! Newsletter

May 2015

In This Issue:

Quote of the Month:

"You are not the person you think you are; you are so much more than you know. Who you think you are now was defined, discussed, processed, squished and blended together by forces you didn’t know existed; that were beyond your control. When you understand who you really are it will blow your mind."

~ Rise Up!

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Message From Bobbie:

This may sound like an alien abduction story, and I guess you could say it is. It happens to be one we all share. It’s not, however, a story about sad, bad, abusive, controlling families or toxic childhoods. Destructive elements may appear in our stories, childhood and beyond, but they don’t define us. Only we get to do that.

Words aren’t as specific as we think; metaphor is what our brains actually do with words. Unfortunately, we identify ourselves by words we learned, early and young from others. Those early identifications were said in exact words. We believed them because they were said by authority figures, by people we depended on to stay alive, who told us who we are, how we behaved, what we were good at and for; and what we weren’t. In a developing brain, someone’s “metamorphic opinion,” (and it was nothing more than that!) actually translates as “truth.”

We may have heard, “she’s smart; he’s a dope;” “he’s the winner, artist, athlete in the family; she needs help no matter what;” “That one? Thank god she’s beautiful because no brains; the other twin is a genius,” or “trustworthy; a brat; softy; bully!”

Even after years of study, therapy, self help books and Oprah we are likely attached, consciously or unconsciously, to definitions that don’t tell the deep truth about us or tell the world who we are. Wrong, half understood or half-truth identity words lead us away from, instead of towards, our True Self. It is essential to find our True Self and the qualities that best define us or else we go about the world under a false identity. That False Identity then tells us how to view our value and live our lives. CHOICE is limited or expanded by identity; who we are becomes what we do!

Featured Journal Entry:

How I Define Myself Defines My Entire Reality

Emma tells us in a Rise Up! session how understanding the third Principle to Being Human was the turning point on her quest to be her “true and authentic self.” “Rise Up! was the start of my breakthrough. In my family, being a childhood cancer survivor, I was the focal point of all the family angst, worry, and mixed-up love messages. I was the person everyone could stress over instead of them pulling together their own lives or thinking about the real source of their sadness; they didn’t have to put in the effort to follow their dreams or live their own lives.”

The “identified Patient,” whether it’s the addict, the physically sick person, or the child who “failed” the promise of earlier childhood, becomes both the “scapegoat” and the “hero” or “anti-hero” in families. Even enlightened families unconsciously dump all the hardship and emotions of the family on the one person whose “illness” can be agreed upon. In that way no one learns their own roles and definitions except in relationship to the suffering in the middle of the family’s emotional life.

Emma is a successful therapist today, a petite, dynamic blonde who laughs easily as she says, “I moved three thousand miles away from home in order to find out who I was. I grew up hearing, over people’s shoulders or from behind their hands, ‘yes, she’s well for now but…’ or hearing my siblings say, ‘I need a new dress, or a car, or help with my homework, but only if someone can take time away from taking care of poor little Emma.’ I was in remission ten years yet I couldn’t get anyone to see me as a person separate from illness. No one owned up to their feelings, failures, anger, successes or the burden they endured defining me as sick and then adjusting reality around that one identity. I felt both guilty for limiting them and limiting myself.”

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Featured Exercise:

  1. Stay: three deep, long inhales, exhales and center yourself deeply within.
  2. Although it can be painful, write a list of the most detested words that others have used to define you. Remember, intent and metaphor are important!
  3. Find a truly “trusted Advisor,” read them the list and ask if they experience you in any of these ways. Don’t ask why or how, just yes or no and assign a number 1-5 to describe HOW MUCH each word defines you from their experience of you now.

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About Bobbie

In 2011, on a beautiful ranch in Santa Ynez, California, Bobbie created her "Rise Up!" movement as a means of empowering women to create the lives, relationships and careers that they were meant to have. It was named after Bobbie's ability to find possibility and opportunity in the midst of change and even crisis. Through one-on-one sessions and group workshops that she has done since 2008 Bobbie has helped participants reach their own epiphanies. Read more...

 

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